Parenthood

It’s been a minute! Summer holidays have taken up so much of my time, I couldn’t find a moment to do my blogging. Summer was fun and chaos and hot but also overly overcast (Oh Canada). My kids did not go to camps so there was a lot of pressure on me (from myself) to entertain them these past two months. There were park visits (hope they’re having fun), playdates with friends (hope they’re having fun), trips to the zoo and other local places of entertainment (they seem tired from walking so much, but I hope they had fun) and other random attempts to make summer exciting (ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?) Now the school routine has begun again and the house is quiet during the day. My kids were super excited to go back to school…wait why were they so excited to go back to school? Did I do something wrong? Was I too boring?

Ahhhh parenthood! We stress over everything. We blame ourselves for everything. We feel guilty. We are constantly questioning our decisions. So, what do children really want from us?

When I think back on the holidays around the commotion of self-blaming parent thoughts, one thing stands out for me, they had the most fun when I gave them my undivided time and attention. When I sat with them and made pipe cleaner animals, painted or played with them with their toys. When I was just there. Fully there.

This is not one of my blogs where science gets involved. Parenting, like each child, is different for every family. One size does not fit all. Also parenting isn’t science, its mental warfare! But I would like to share my experience so far as a parent, using coaching techniques.

Firstly, listening, often we conclude on our kids before they really finish saying something because no one knows our child better than us, right. When my kids speak, I listen not only to the words but their body language, tone, cadence and facial expression, because this tells me more about what they are trying to communicate. What about strong emotions like crying, being angry or upset? This is when coaching really helps. I ask open-ended questions like what feelings are coming up for you right now? What else? Tell me more? What do you need right now? It seems this type of questioning makes them feel more seen and heard. In turn, over time I have built a solid foundation of trust with my children. They know if they are upset or have done something wrong, we will talk about it. It will be a conversation that is collaborative and so they feel comfortable to express themselves. This does not mean I don’t slam the gavel down every once in a while. Especially when sibling rivalry becomes too much or simply if mommy has had a rough day! I am human too. This is also communicated. Mum and dad will make mistakes because we are human! It is about learning from those mistakes.

Secondly, we try our best to model the behavior we want to see. Easy for me to say, “Stop playing Xbox, that’s too much screen time,” when I have been scrolling my socials for the past two hours! Yes, I am the adult so what works for me doesn’t work for you, just yet. But when I say model behavior I also mean to be kind to other human beings. To speak kindly because you don’t know what others are going through. This goes for the annoying kids in class who act out. Patience, we don’t know if they are “seen and heard.”

I think it constantly comes down to being seen and heard. I think that is mainly what they want from us. It shows love and appreciation for them as tiny humans navigating the big world. It cultivates a relationship of trust. I let them see my flaws so they know no one is perfect and you are constantly learning in life. I apologize if my reaction is unfair in the moment, so they know what it looks like to make amends if you make a mistake. I communicate as much as I can. The pressure is always there, as a parent. When the thoughts snowball, I remind myself that my intention is to always do my best.

Trust your instinct as YOU parent YOUR child. The world will pressurize you too but remember:

If your intention is to give your child the best and you communicate this, you are doing a great job! Just my thoughts. Stay elevated parents!